My Mental Health Journal

The best day of the week but also the worst in terms of my mental health, mainly my anxiety. I used to love matchdays, I couldn’t wait to get to the stadium to see my beloved team, Wolves. The buzz before kick off, seeing who’s in the starting line up, meeting my brother, who sits next to me, watching the lads warm up, soaking up the atmosphere.

All that was before my anxiety kicked in hard. I wasn’t this bad with it until the first lockdown of the pandemic, when they stopped fans attending. It took me a while to start going again, I even missed the first few home games because the panic attacks getting ready to go were all too much for me. They left me exhausted, mentally drained as I’d worked myself up into a right state. I have since managed to get to the last few home games and have started to enjoy it again. I still get the anxiety kicking in beforehand and have to really focus on my breathing in order to stay calm. I was given a few breathing exercises to do, one being the box technique which does help you concentrate on your breathing. Anything to help you take your mind off what’s going on inside your head.

I hope one day to be able to get ready for the game again and not have doubts about going. To no longer have to fight with myself about whether I should stay at home as its easier than getting so anxious. Anxiety can really suffocate you if you let it. It’s all about being stronger than it. I don’t think it will ever go away, I just have to get tougher so I can overcome it. With all the love and support I get from my family and friends, it gives me the strength to keep fighting. It’s not going to beat me.

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