My Mental Health Journal

Ok we lost the game tonight but it was another victory in my battle with anxiety even if I did has a panic attack at the end, for some strange reason.

I struggling again tonight as I got ready to head to Molineux and another packed crowd of over 30k+ I long for the days when I can get ready to go out and not feel so anxious, it gets overwhelming at times but on the plus side I’m able to control my emotions enough to get out and get to the stadium. Felt a little strange as I got closer to the ground tonight, I was later than I usually go so there were more people about. I just had to get into the ground as soon as possible. The concourse area isn’t the biggest and so lots of people were already inside walking to get their seats. I was just about holding it together, constantly talking to myself, I can do this, come on Dazz keep pushing etc.

It was the end of the game though in which I struggled. My brother was with me and we have been hanging back since I made my return to Molineux so the crowds die down a little before exiting the stadium. I think he was in a rush tonight though because he started making his way out and I just stood there. Fuck knows why but I just froze and started to panic. He said he’ll meet me outside but all I could think of was “how the fuck am I getting out of here?” I just closed my eyes briefly, focused on nothing but my breathing and somehow made my way out of the stadium. Thought I was going to start bloody crying at the time of my panic attack, like it was a setback. I got back to my car and felt so relieved. I don’t want to feel like that again in a hurry.

But you know what? I made the game again tonight, I overcame my anxiety enough to make it. I won’t think about the end any longer and instead focus on how well I did to beat my anxiety again, give it a right kick in the balls and tell it to get lost tonight. We may have lost the game but I won tonight and I’m proud of myself for doing so.