My Mental Health Journal

I haven’t wanted to write a blog for a few days now because events have happened which has turned lives upside down in ways I wish had never happened. I won’t go into details because it’s a private matter and would rather not share. As open as I like to be with my blog there are some things which should remain private.

Mental health, depression, anxiety and whatever else we suffer with, destroys your soul if you let it consume you. For too long now I’ve let it take over my mind, my body and my life. I’ve lost sight of who I am, forgotten how I used to be as a person and it basically makes you feel like you don’t give a fuck about yourself let alone others. Even those closest to you, the ones you love with all your heart, makes you not care on how things make them feel. I’ve lost my way, Depression sucks the life out of your personality, turns you into something you’re not. It’s just trying to make sure you’re strong enough to fight back and not let it take over you. I’ve not been strong enough, it’s gone on too long and has left me not wanting to fight it but after recent events I need to get up off the floor and fight back with everything I have left.

I’ve recently started face to face therapy at a place called the Sanctuary cafe. An emotional and wellbeing support group where you can talk and offload to a support worker, who will help you get back to a more normal life. My first session went really well. She talked through a few things with me. Made me feel comfortable and let me offload without any judgement. It felt good to talk, got things off my chest I’d been bottling up. She drew out a spider graph putting me in the middle. Making me realise that in order to fix things I need to fix myself first. I have to be the priority and put everything else to one side. I also have CBT face to face coming up in August. Those sessions helped me immensely back in late 2019. The face to face therapy was going so well, I was getting something back, feeling more my old self but then the pandemic hit and they all got stopped. I’m hoping these upcoming sessions have the same impact as they did first time around.

Sorry for another short blog but I’ve now started writing a the journal which is more for me.

This feel like it’s my last chance to save myself, to get back the person I want to be and make people proud of how well I’ve done to get myself back. I have to do whatever it takes. No matter what. 💚