My Mental Health Journal

It’s been a few days since my last blog so I thought it was time for another entry.

Life at the moment is still very much up and down, still having days when I don’t feel like getting up, like I could just hide away from the world and just let everyone leave me alone. I am however having the odd moment here and there when my mood lifts. Only small amounts of positivity but it’s something. Someone once told me small wins lead to big victories, so I have to take comfort from that.

Take yesterday for example, we have been having broadband issues with our Internet provider and our bill has sky rocketed so I did something I haven’t done for a long time. My mental health struggles has made me lose all confidence with talking to people, especially on the phone. My wife has had to deal with all manner of calls on my behalf these past couple of years because I get tongue tied, not knowing what to say and losing all my confidence. Yesterday though I made a breakthrough. I made a call to sort out our broadband. I stayed calm and relaxed, handled the call without any fears and wasn’t nervous. I think the thing I took from it was I didn’t think too much about it beforehand, I just got up, told my wife I was making the call to Virgin Media and that was that. Maybe it was the guy on the other end who helped because he spoke calmly and tried to help as much as he can. I came off the phone, not only sorting out our new bill but also the fact that I’d done that. I’d got up, made the call and got it sorted. I felt so proud of myself, even told my wife how proud I was of myself too. Yes it might seem small to some people but for someone like me who’s had his confidence destroyed by depression and anxiety, it was not a small win but a huge one for me. I need to keep this going now and push on.

I’ve also had my second session with Head4Health this week. Felt super anxious before I got there though but I had some help this time as one of the guys that attends messaged me about meeting up outside on the car park and going in together. That was such a massive help to me, I hate going anywhere at the moment but meeting Robbie outside gave me a lift. I’m always grateful for any kind of support. The session was good, we talked about stress, what triggers it, how we can cope with it and what were our signatures. We then followed it up with a walk around the park for an hour or so. Felt good to get out into the fresh air chatting to the other guys that are also on this course.

So yes, despite feeling low I’ve had some positive moments since my last blog. I’m still fighting, still giving it everything I’ve got to overcome this mental health battle. It’s the small victories that lead to winning the battle. That’s how I’m looking at it right now. As long as I keep thinking of that mentality I’ll be on the right road.

Peace and love to you all and thank you for taking time out to read this blog. Your help and support is always appreciated. 💚