My Mental Health Journal

It started off being a decent Friday, the sun was shining and for once I woke up and felt OK. I had a good night’s sleep which made all the difference. I must have got my shoulder in a comfortable position and obviously didn’t move much during the night. Showered, gave the beard a trim, got dressed and had breakfast and felt good to tackle the day. I sat outside in the garden and watched the dogs run around after the ball and trying to get to the squirrel in the trees. It was a really good start to my Friday. I then got out the house to take my daughter in law to a funeral, I waited in the car and did some reading on my phone.

Eventually got home and decided to give the doctors a call and see if they had my results from the MRI scan I had a week ago. One way or another I needed to know what was causing so much pain in my neck and shoulder. Finally got through to my GP and was told the cause of the problem is cervical spondylosis. Immediately I felt like I wasn’t old enough to get that, I’m not even 50. I have an appointment on Thursday (5th) to see my GP and find out if it can be treated. As soon as I got off the phone I started searching and really wished I hadn’t. Things stood out like ‘it gets worse as you get older’, ‘there’s not really a cure for it’ etc etc. I stopped looking after reading that, I was truly gutted. Am I going to have to suffer this pain for the rest of my life? I really hope not, its already dragged me down further and despite trying to be positive each day the pain just knocks me backwards. I was hoping it was going to be something that could be fixed with surgery, yes I hate hospitals but if it means getting rid of the pain then it would’ve been so worth it. But no, I can’t be that lucky. So, what started as a great Friday ended up being shit.

These things are sent to test us I guess and yes I was gutted and a little upset even after I was told what it was but I can’t let this stop me from trying to recover from my mental health. I have to remain upbeat that I can cope with my shoulder with some kind of pain management. Get my head sorted once and for all and then focus on getting my shoulder/neck, or wherever the hell the pain is stemming from, fixed somehow.

Anyway that’s enough waffle from me for now I think.

So much love to everyone who reads my blog, your support has been a massive help to me and writing these really is starting to make a difference to my life. I’m feeling more confident that I can beat this now than when I did before I started writing my blog.

Thank you 💚