My Mental Health Journal

I write this having been in a dark place the other night, the feelings I had in my head were ones that I’d be better off not being around anymore, that the life I’m living isn’t really a life, it’s just existing. I’ve had these feelings in the past but they had faded for some time. But a couple of nights ago they came back with a vengeance, I’d had enough of this shit and just wanted a way out. I shared something on social media that looking back was more of a cry for help than anything else. I needed some help and support.

Thankfully I managed to sleep, I don’t know how but I did. I woke up the following morning to a whole host of messages and comments from friends and family. Telling me to stay strong, to keep fighting, never give up and that there are people out there who need me. Sounds crazy but reading those comments and messages lifted my spirits, felt loved and appreciated. I can’t take the easy way out knowing I have all this support behind me, wanting me to get better and to be my old self again. To those that left me a message, you have no idea how much they meant to me and I thank you for being so supportive and wanting what is best for me.

Later that day I noticed someone had posted a tweet asking was it normal to have chest pains with anxiety. I decided to reach out to this person and offer some support. We’ve chatted about our struggles with mental health a lot since then and it was nice to know I had helped in some way. To let them know that they weren’t alone and that there was someone out there willing to listen and be supportive at a time when they felt like they had no one to turn to. Yes I’m going through a lot of crap right now but that doesn’t mean I will ignore someone who is going through similar issues. If I can help them, talk to them or just be there to listen then that’s what I’ll do. Maybe more of us should reach out to others finding life difficult.

I’m still waiting on the results of my MRI from last Friday. The pain in my shoulder and neck is becoming unbearable, dragging me down even further. I just want some answers now as to what is causing it. Hopefully by the end of this week I’ll have some results back.

Last thing from me, we need to do more to stop online bullying, harassment and hate towards others. Too many sit behind their keyboards or their phones and will think of nothing else but to abuse others on social media for having an opinion, sometimes not even an opinion either. They will just abuse someone for making a remark about something and it needs to stop. What if this person who’s being abused is troubled and in a dark place and then someone decides it will be funny to abuse them so will say something nasty. That one nasty comment might just be something that could tip this vulnerable person over the edge and do something stupid. Please, please think about what you’re about to say to a person before posting it, think of the reaction it could have on them and the harm it could do. If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. There’s enough cruelty in the world without adding more fuel to the fire. Please be kind, always.

💚