My Mental Health Journal

So as Easter comes to an end for another year, I hope all that are reading this had a great time with family, friends and loved ones.

Saturday didn’t go so well for me as we had a small family get together at our house. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting so many to turn up on the day. I thought it was just going to be my mother in law and a couple of my grandkids. It was much more than that and unfortunately it all got too much. One hell of an anxiety attack as everyone seemed to turn up all at once, it was crowded and loud and I just felt like escaping. I ended up staying away, away from the noise, away from everyone. I hate it, I hate having to step away because it must seem like I come across as being ignorant and that’s not me. Well, it never used to be me until all this shit started to happen. Felt bad for not spending time with family who had come over to see my wife and I. It couldn’t be helped though, it was either that or feel worse and get myself into a right state. My wife did come and check on me a few times to make sure I was OK, so too did my step daughter and step son at various times. They do understand what I’m going through and they are so supportive towards me. Eventually as they started to leave I was feeling more calm. I need to get over this and start enjoying family time again.

Felt really good yesterday, it was workout day. I have been doing them once every two days as its all I’m able to do right now, atleast until I feel fitter. Started off with some cross training, then on the rowing machine and finally I finish on the bike with some indoor cycling. Workout completed and felt amazing afterwards, felt like I’d really put a good effort into it. Felt even more pleased when I got showered and then stepped onto the scales and lost another 3lb. Taking it to 6lb lost since I started. Yes it’s slow but it’s working and I can now start to feel myself getting more into shape. Quietly buzzing knowing that what I’m doing is working. Actually feeling positive for once and that made me happy. I wasn’t really seeing any benefit to my mental health from doing workouts at first but yesterday was different. Yesterday I felt good, like I can finally get on top of this and beat it or at the very least be better equip to deal with it better. I feel a bit more of my confidence is coming back too. All this because of my workouts.

I will keep pushing, I won’t be quitting any time soon plus I’ve not had any dark thoughts running through my mind for the last couple of days now so that’s a massive plus. I won’t let this beat me, I’m stronger than it and I will overcome it.