My Mental Health Journal

Matchday again today and woke up feeling really positive about going to the game today. I’d missed the last home game because of having a cough and cold so was determined to not miss another, especially with only a handful of home games left of the season.

I had one little bit of a meltdown during the morning but soon got over that one, just kept on telling myself I’ve been here before and managed to get through it so I was glad to get that out the way. Anyway, I left the house while trying to concentrate on my breathing and nothing else. Drove to the game, parked up and then it hit me again. This overwhelming fear came from nowhere and I started to struggle again. I couldn’t even open the door of the car and get out. I texted my wife to tell her I was struggling with my anxiety again she gave me a few words of encouragement, told me to take some deep breaths and to call her if I needed a chat. It helped, I got out the car and slowly walked from the car park to the stadium, which is around a 10-15 minute walk.

I eventually got to within a few hundred yards of the stadium, sent my brother a text to say I’d meet him inside and then one almighty anxiety attack hit me again. I froze. I just couldn’t even move. The steps leading down towards the subway entrance looked like they were never ending. My heart was pounding out of my chest, finding breathing difficult to come by and just felt fear running through my body, my hands were shaking. People walking past me must have wondered what the hell was going on, I just could not move. All I could do was reach out on social media, maybe looking for some words of advice or just some support. The response was incredible, so many telling me I can do this, encouraging words of support that I’ve felt a lot from that, I can’t quite explain just how powerful social media can be at times like that. Saw a couple a lads I know walk past, asked if I was ok and managed to walk on towards the stadium. There I met another absolute diamond of a friend who was there with her lad. That friendly face and talking to each other about the game etc helped calm me down even more, took my mind off my anxiety and felt like I was ready to make the next step and go inside. Before I knew it I scanned my season ticket and I was in. We continued to chat before going our separate ways to our seats. Opposite ends of the stand. My brother was waiting there for me, a brotherly greeting and we were ready to watch the game.

When I find myself struggling I find reaching out for support does wonders for me. I can’t emphasize just how big a role people can have on your mental health, in a positive way. I couldn’t have done it today without everyone’s help, they pushed me on with their words of support, giving me the belief that I could do it. That’s why it’s so important to reach out and talk to people, doesn’t matter who, there will always be people out there that want to help. So my message to anyone reading this, don’t hide away and suffer in silence, reach out and talk to someone. You’ll be surprised just how much it can help, just as it did for me today. Keep talking! 💚