My Mental Health Journal

My battles with Mental Health

Another late one!

It’s been a few days since I wrote a blog, haven’t had much to say or get out of my head other than the usual struggles with my mental health. Where every day seems to roll into one now and I’m forgetting what day it is.

Monday morning I was really struggling though, I’d woken up from not a very good sleep, the pains I’ve been having in my left shoulder have returned, causing some real discomfort with a pins and needles sensation in my fingers. I know I should get to the doctors but after the last time I’m reluctant to go. I was put in touch with a physiotherapist who after a few questions told me to download an app and follow the exercises. It obviously didn’t work because the pain is still there. That isn’t helping my mind, I’m struggling as it is and now this pain on top is just dragging me down even further. So anyway, after a bad morning and really wanting a way out I went downstairs and asked my wife for a hug. At that point I just started to cry, told her I’d had enough and wanted to go. Telling her that despite her saying she needs me around, it was adding more pressure on me to stick around because I just haven’t got the fight left in me anymore. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have anyone around in my life, I’d take the easy option and end all this tomorrow. She tells me I’m strong but the truth is I’m not, not anymore. It’s worn me down to be the point where I seem to have accepted this is me from now on. The old Daz has long gone and can’t see him coming back.

I often wonder what would’ve happened had I not had the operation on my foot, where I’d be today and would I still end up with my mental health issues. Would I still be a postie? I suppose we all look back and wonder how things would have worked out if we had chosen a different path in life.

As I end this latest blog before I close my eyes and try to get some sleep I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I hope to wake up feeling like I can tackle anything, be positive and face the day knowing nothing is going to get to me today. It never works out that way unfortunately, there’s always something or someone who will knock me down, leaving me with the ‘what’s the point?’ mindset. We shall see what a new day will bring 💚

Darren’s Mental Health

2 responses to “Another late one!”

  1. Feelings & Thoughts, what else is there? avatar
    Feelings & Thoughts, what else is there?

    Hi Darren, thank you for posting this heartfelt entry. I’m really sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time and I can completely empathise with how you are feeling. I see you mentioned about seeing a physio for your injury, but have you also thought about seeing a counsellor or therapist to talk about you’re feeling?

    Apologies if you’ve already been down this route as I haven’t yet read a previous post. I know the feelings of hopelessness are real though. I was there 2 years ago. I looked into IAPT as a solution but had no luck at all, and it was only when I get really desperate that I started talking to counsellor once a week. He has been brilliant and introduced me to Acceptance and Commitent Therapy. It’s along the same lines as CBT which helps you change the way you think, but this method teaches us to accept the things that happen to us without judgement, instead of wishing things were different and hurting ourselves with more despair. It’s a horrible feeling being depressed about being depressed.

    Here is a link to a website about ACT https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/Acceptance-and-Commitment-Therapy-ACT

    Also a really good book to read on the subject is The Happiness Trap. It’s on Audible and Amazon in hard copy. Definitely worth a read as it’s changed my thinking and made it easier to cope with things that happens. Things in my life aren’t great at the moment either, and I often feel like I’m failing with work due to the horrendous cost of living at the moment, but knowing that things do get better, and life comes at us in waves does help to get through the tougher times.

    A good way to look at it is,

    ‘We can’t stop the waves, but we can learn to surf’.

    This means that we often can’t control what happens in life, but we can choose how we respond to it and make decisions that can help us along or make things a little more bearable. It can help us to see the positives in almost any situation and that can be enough to keep going and claw our way out.

    If you’d like to chat on Twitter my handle is @NewYouPT_MH and I’m in the mental health community run my Paige and Ray Ray.

    Take care mate and I hope this helped a little.

    Paul

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    Reply
    1. Darren's Mental Health avatar
      Darren’s Mental Health

      Thank you Paul, I will look into that kind of therapy. I have had CBT and had other counselling sessions but I’ve not had any benefit from it. I sometimes feel like a lost cause because nothing seems to be working for me. I will look into that ACT though. I will try absolutely anything to rid myself of this nightmare, because that’s what this feels like, a living nightmare.

      Thank you for reaching out mate, it’s very much appreciated x

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