My Mental Health Journal

Another day waking up with the same old feelings. How is it possible to break the cycle? Just for once I’d like to wake up and feel good about the day ahead, have something to look forward, just wake up and be happy. I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling like that.

Another bad night’s sleep didn’t help matters, too many thoughts running though my head, lots of doubt, lots of thoughts of how I’m going to change the way my life is going. I’m just so tired of everything, I wish there was a way out that didn’t involve hurting anyone but there isn’t, even though those thoughts have come back with a vengeance lately. I don’t want to think like that and I try to send those thoughts away but they come back stronger than ever. It’s almost been a year since a good friend of mine too his own life, a friend who always told me to speak to him if I was struggling and that he was there for me. The horrible thing is, I can see why he took his own life, he must have gotten so low that there really was no other option to end his misery. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of him. Wishing he had taken his own advice to me and spoken to me about what he was going through. No one had a clue. I always told him that I was there if he needed a chat, at any time. I don’t want ever want to be in that position that I can’t talk to anyone. I know people will read this and think how depressing it is, but if I don’t get these thoughts and feelings down they will be stuck in my head and have nowhere to escape.

All I want is to wake up and be happy, have something to live for, have a purpose, have a job and feel human again. It’s not a lot to ask for, is it? 💚