My Mental Health Journal

Tonight I told anxiety to do one! I made it to Molineux again tonight for a Wolves game and came out feeling so bloody proud of myself. Especially given the state I’d got myself in before I left the house to go.

I hadn’t been feeling good all day, not because of my mental health but because I’ve been full of a cold for the past couple of days so wasn’t really feeling up to going. I somehow managed to do a workout during the morning in the hope of maybe sweating some of the cold out of me. I felt a little better after the workout, got showered, had breakfast and was starting to feel well enough again.

Time went on and as it got nearer to kick off I decided to get ready to go to the game. It wasn’t until I got ready though that the anxiety kicked in. Kicked in hard too, my heart was racing, I couldn’t stop shaking and I was feeling clammy. Took some rescue remedy in the hope of calming my nerves and anxiety. I left the house still really unsure but I thought to myself, if I get there, park up and still don’t feel like it then it’s not a problem, at least I’ve tried. Trouble is though, because I’d missed so much of the season early on because of my anxiety I didn’t want to miss any more of it, seeing as the season is almost over. Sat in the car park I kept telling myself “you can do this Daz”, over and over. Walked to the ground, slowly, taking control of my breathing, constantly telling myself I can do this and before I knew it I’m at the turnstiles waiting to go in.

Worst thing I could’ve done though was look around because seeing so many people got me all in a state. I started shaking again, heart pumping out of my chest, hands all sweaty, it was horrible. I’d come this far though and wasn’t going to back down now. Focused on my breathing again, using the box technique which I had been shown and it helped. Soon after I’m in my seat next to my brother who was in there waiting for me.

The game came and went, really enjoyable to watch and a good team performance. I felt good, I felt really pleased with myself for overcoming another obstacle. Like I said to someone earlier, I hate what anxiety is doing to me, I hate how it’s taken over my life but not any more. I’m fighting back, I’m telling it to fuck off and leave me alone because tonight I felt strong enough to deal with it. And I am, I must be because a few months ago an anxiety attack like tonight would’ve stopped me. Had tonight happened just three months or so ago, I wouldn’t have even got out the car. I’ve made big strides these past few months, a lot of positives to take from tonight. I feel good right now, I’ve even shed a tear typing this out but it’s a happy tear. Happy because maybe, just maybe I’m on the road to recovery! 💚