My Mental Health Journal

I’m here again, so tired but unable to sleep as my mind decides to work overtime the minute I get into bed. I can’t remember the last time I got into bed and was able to close my eyes and just fall asleep. It’s always getting on for 3am and beyond when i last look at the clock. It’s not good and it carries on into the next day, feeling like a zombie.

So much on my mind right now, it’s no wonder I’m not able to switch off. Just one bad thought after another right now plus all this shit going on with Russia and the Ukraine is so worrying for us all. Worried to the point that it scares the hell out of me, fearing the worst and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Anxiety seems to make everything ten times worse I’ve noticed. What’s hardly worth worrying about to people not suffering with it, it’s overwhelming to those that do. Like my forms for my PIP review, that have now been filled in and sent off, I’m already fearing the worst that it will get cancelled even though my condition has worsened since my last application. My head is full of worry, full of fear and that gets me feeling so low. I just want it to stop.

I’ve also been doing some workout recently, boxercise, only in my house but it’s a good workout and definitely gets my heart pumping. I’ve been doing it for roughly three weeks now, in order to now only get back I’m shape and to lose weight, but also because I read so much about exercise being good for the mind, releasing endorphins etc. I felt totally deflated the other day though, another hour long session, really tired me out but then the next day I weighed myself and I’ve not lost a thing since I started doing it. What’s the point? I felt like shit when I got off the scales. I’ve lost a bit of motivation since, working so hard to lose weight and get in shape but I don’t feel any different. Surely I’d be seeing signs of that by now?

Tomorrow is a new day however, a day I can start again and try my absolute best to get on top of my feelings. Maybe a good night’s sleep will help so the trick.