My Mental Health Journal

So today I woke up not feeling in a good head space at all. I had a ticket for the Wolves game today at Molineux too. My anxiety was quite bad today and just wasn’t sure if I was able to gain enough strength to make the effort to go. My brother wasn’t going today either so it meant going in on my own for the first since the pandemic hit. Yes I went to the last cup game on my own but I walked in with a friend of mine so it helped massively.

After getting ready I just sat in the house focusing on my breathing and nothing else. Eventually I forced myself out the house and drive to the game. Parked up quite easy again and didn’t hit much traffic but then a wave of anxiety hit me. I couldn’t even get out the car. I just sat there, fighting with myself. Don’t know how I did it but I got myself together and got out the car. Decided to make little goals on my walk up to Molineux. First goal, get to the car park entrance, second goal, cross the road, third goal make it to Carvers and so on. . All those small steps just focusing on each one and nothing else eventually got me to the ground.

Hardly a queue at the turnstiles so without thinking about it just went straight in and before I knew it I was in the concourse area. I’d made it and felt such a relief. The Kidderminster game was on the TVs so stood there and watched some of the game, ignoring all the people around me, shutting them out. Concentrating on the game on TV I was able to maintain my composure. It was time now to go to my seat. It was still way before kick off so there was no one around when I took my seat. Watching the players warm up, I didn’t even notice the seats around me filling up. Got through the game ok, the match was poor but there was enough going on to not even let anxiety back into my mind. As always at the end of the game I let the crowds disperse before eventually making my way out of the stadium and walk back to my car.

We lost the game but I won today. A huge fuck you anxiety moment. I pushed myself more than I have done and felt good about. I achieved a goal today and didn’t let it beat me. Anxiety will cripple you if you let it. It’s not always easy to overcome it and there are days when you feel like it’s easier to just stay away, but not today. Today I won, I kicked it’s arse and it felt good.